Always a Beautiful Song
by evening spirit
Summary: Post S3 finale. Erin has a hard time dealing with what she witnessed. She needs to blame someone, she needs to hate someone and she finds her target among those closest to her. The integrity of the Intelligence Unit is threatened as a result of her ill-placed anger. Can she overcome her irrational feelings in time to prevent another tragedy? Team fic. Ch2: Antonio becomes the boss.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Post season three finale. Erin has a hard time dealing with what she witnessed. She needs to blame someone, she needs to hate someone and she finds her target among those closest to her. The integrity of the Intelligence Unit is threatened as a result of her ill-placed anger. Can she overcome her irrational feelings in time to prevent another tragedy?

 **A/N:** I'm not sure I know where I'm going with this. Testing waters here, so to speak.

* * *

 _Family is like music. Some high notes, some low notes, but..._

* * *

 **always a beautiful song**

* * *

Being the only one who knew what really happened was heavy. Erin's life wasn't easy, she'd been through stuff, she'd seen a lot, had felt like getting up in the morning was too much of an effort.

But this?

There was a lot of confusion when she got back to the district.

"There was no one there."

"The house was empty, for fuck's sake!"

"Where did you disappear to? Erin? Erin, what's going on, where's Voight?"

"I don't know," she lied. "I went to..." where, damn it, where would she go? "The hospital," was first that came to her mind. "I thought... he wasn't picking up his phone, I had no idea where he could have gone to but to his son, you know?" She looked straight into Jay's eyes and she lied. "But he wasn't there."

Jay touched her arm. It was like a bolt of lightning through her skin. Olinsky just looked. He knew. He didn't say a word.

They waited for Voight to show up late into the night. His phone was off, GPS in his car disabled. He knew exactly what means they would use to find him and he knew how to make it impossible. It was past midnight when Dawson finally said they should all go home, come back in the morning. They had no leads. In the morning they came back in – all of them, save for Voight, again, and Olinsky.

And they still had nothing.

"Bingham must have fled town," Erin said. She willed herself to believe it. "Maybe Hank caught the whiff off him, but he doesn't want us to be involved, doesn't want to pull us down with him." She felt tears in her eyes.

Jay came to her from behind, gave her nape a light squeeze and all she wanted was to lean into his embrace and fall apart. Fall into tiny little pieces that she held together with a sheer force of will. But she couldn't, not yet.

"He would have told us, if he wanted our help."

"You think he told Al?" Ruzek asked.

Damn Ruzek. Erin remembered that he was the one who accused Justin of being the part of the robbery crew and right now she wanted to rip his eyes out. She turned to him and her rage must have shown on her face, because Jay was blocking her way and Ruzek took a step back, hands raised palms up, his brow furrowed in a silent question.

Erin took a deep breath, reined herself in.

"I want you out of here," she seethed.

"I think that's not any of your decision," Ruzek defied her.

Jay lay a hand on her arm, grounded her.

They were right. They were probably right, she was not in charge, Voight wasn't here, they were all in limbo and scared and uncertain, but...

"Can I talk to you, Erin?" Antonio Dawson came up to her – between her and Ruzek – and he spoke silently, like to a startled animal or to a child. "Can we talk in Voight's office?"

She went with him and he said what she thought but didn't want to think.

"We are still a team, aren't we?"

She didn't know. She didn't say it out loud but the moisture in her eyes finally spilled onto her cheeks.

"You're mad at Adam for what he said about Justin, aren't you? I get that. I get that you believe it was unjust, but Adam was only doing his job and he was looking at the situation unbiased. As he would at any other crime. He didn't know Justin personally. How often are we wrong in our assesments of suspects?"

Erin sat on the couch and hid her face in her palms. Antonio was right, of course, they were all too involved, that's why there were rules in place, for non-involvement in personal cases. Justin was her almos brother, he was Voight's son. There was no closer relationship. They couldn't see the case objectively, they couldn't make unbiased judgements, that's why Hank...

A sob escaped her.

She couldn't let it out, she couldn't let Antonio know. She covered her mouth with her hand as if the physical act could stop the words from spilling out. The truth.

But Antonio was thinking about something else entirely.

"I want to keep this team together." He crouched in front of her, put his hands on her knees. "And I can't do it without your help Erin. If you can't handle Ruzek, he'll go. But if he does, it may all fall apart, the whole unit. It will be over. I don't want that, do you?"

Honestly? She wasn't sure if she cared. She didn't want to see Ruzek's face and she didn't care if she was fair in this or not. He hurt her, he hurt Hank. She was allowed to hate him for it, wasn't she? She needed to hate someone, so why not Ruzek? Bungham was dead, she couldn't hate him anymore.

But Jay? Antonio, hell, even Atwater? – they didn't deserve to have their team dismantled, because of Ruzek. They didn't deserve to find themselves looking for new jobs, new teams. And Hank, if he returned, Olinsky. They needed a place to return to, this found family that they had.

She would help keep it together. If being in the same room as Adam Ruzek was the price to pay for that, then so be it. She would take it. She would help Antonio keep their family together, at least while she still could.

* * *

So. Do you think this is something that could be continued? A team fic most of all, not much focused on shipping? Would you read that?


	2. Chapter 2

_Family is like music. Some high notes, some low notes, but..._

* * *

 **Always a Beautiful Song**

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

* * *

It was only natural for a Detective to become – after several years of exemplary service – a Sergeant. It required exams, sometimes a recomendation from a supervising officer. Usually it was a good thing.

Antonio Dawson didn't feel like Crowley's offer – no, not an offer – an order to become the acting Sergeant of the Intelligence Unit in Voight's absence (and possibly for good – remained between the lines) was anything good.

For starters he was not ready to be anyone's supervising officer. The difference between being a patrolmen and a detective, as he remembered, was not so big. Independence suited him well and the transition had made him proud of his accomplishments.

Now, hearing Crowley say he was best qualified to lead the unit, both with regards to experience, as well as personality and character – it made him scared and it made him overwhelmed. He was being set up for a failure – unintentionally perhaps, on Crowley's part, but failure nonetheless.

He was no leader. The responsibility for others was not his forte. Because it was not a matter of responsibility for a partner's life in the field anymore – that he could do and did, like all of them. It was the matter of being ahead of the conflict between Lindsay and Ruzek. Of making sure Halstead focused on the job, not on Erin. Of seeing in advance if Atwater's insecurities wouldn't get the bettter of him, or making sure Mouse didn't swerve off tracks because of one or another of his idiosyncrasies. Antonio Dawson saw himself more like the Olinsky type in the future, with a lot of leeway in how he handled his cases. He would rather do this job, and leave worrying about interpersonal clashes or motivating speeches to someone who posessed actual competece.

Voight had ways of keeping them all in line. And he had Olinsky to take care of the stragglers. Antonio had neither Voight's character, nor anyone to lean on. Maybe Halstead, but it would take time to build that relationship. Better Lindsay, if she was mentally all there, which she wasn't at the moment and it was hard to say what she needed to pull herself together.

Damn, he didn't even have enough people. Intelligence unit had shrunk from eight to six overnight and that would not suffice to get the job done.

"We need Burgess," he told Crowley without batting an eyelash. "If you want to keep this team operational, get her assigned to us. Now if only Olinsky showed up-"

"Olinsky is looking for Voight," Crowley cut him off. "He had furlough accumulated over the years and I gave him my blessing."

"Good to know, Commander. But the fact of the matter remains – we are two men short. Burgess is the least we can request."

"I'll talk it over with Platt." Crowley nodded. "Burgess will be upstairs today."

Then she handed him a file.

Apparently by not showing his inner turmoil on the outside, Antonio assured Crowley that her pick was the correct one. Now all he had to do was convince his – now – subordinates, that he had the guts to lead them.

He leafed through the file. A batch of meth was confiscated after a party at the University campus. Two students were dead, five others in critical condition. Chemical analysis of contaminants suggested a new lab, possibly a whole new player – one with little experience at that – and chatter on the streets seemed to confirm the hypothesis.

With no more than four words of explanation as to the new team status – "I'm your boss now" – Antonio ordered everyone to get to the campus and talk to roommates and colleagues of the deceased and comatose students. They all attended the same party, but the kid who organized it and invited everyone, Steve Connor, was in the wind. His friends defended him, claiming that he simply freaked out and he would turn up, they'd tell him to turn up. He hadn't brought any drugs to the party, all he had was beer, oh, maybe some vodka. Then someone remembered that Mia Furlough, the girl who died, brought some stuff with her, another person thought they saw a strange guy mingle with the students.

"Mia's roommate, who wasn't at the party, gave us the description of Mia's boyfriend." Ruzek drew a faceless figure on the blackboard. "He's not a student and he matches the description of the strange guy at the party." He wrote "strange guy" above the figure. "The roommate is with the sketch artist now, we should have a composite in a few minutes."

"Is it funny for you?" Lindsay asked in a dangerous voice.

Antonio looked up from Mouse's computer screen. Despite being seated, despite being below and having to look up at Ruzek, Lindsay emanated authority – and also venom. Antonio moved toward the other end of the room in hope to ward off the looming disaster, but the two of them were at it faster than he could think, Knock it off.

Ruzek glared at Erin. "What's funny?" He wouldn't back down.

"The 'strange guy'." Lindsay leaned forward and straightened her back. "What is that supposed to mean? He has a name."

"But we don't know it yet. Mia's roommate doesn't remember, or she was never even introduced. They lived together but they weren't close."

"You could just call him a 'suspect', or a 'person of interest', instead of turning it into a joke!" Lindsay stood up.

Antonio reached out to block Ruzek who was about to break into Erin's personal space.

"Uh, hi," Burgess cleared her throat from behind Antonio's back. He spun on his heel, to see her – dressed in plain clothes – extend a printed photograph. "Gray asked me to bring you this. Also," she added in a timid voice after he took the picture from her, "Platt said that I'm supposed to help out in here."

"Yeah," Antonio replied automatically, then corrected himself. "No. You're not supposed to help out, you're supposed to transfer. It's about time. You can take my desk for now."

"Oh," Kim made a face, but Antonio didn't have time to untangle her insecurities.

He returned to Ruzek and handed him the photograph. "Looks like we have more than a composite – apparently Gray found him in our database. And there _is_ a name." Antonio stressed, because Ruzek stared at Kim for a moment too long, with eerie mixture of awe and longing in his eyes. At his boss's raised voice he shook his head and focused on what Antonio was saying.

"True, there's the name." He read the back of the picture and replaced the semi-offensive 'strange guy' with 'Tim Horton', then plastered the face to the board. "What do we have on Tim Horton?"

"Got him." Atwater raised his hand simultaneously with Mouse announcing, "Not much." Antonio gestured to Mouse.

"Yeah, he has a DUI two years ago, resisting arrest and attacking an officer. That's it. Got arrested, spent two days down in the hack, then was on probation for half a year, community service, which he met without transgressions."

"He doesn't even read as a small fish." Halstead voiced everyone's conclusion. "Probably bought drugs someplace and wanted to have fun at the party with his girlfriend. We should question him, find out where, what and from whom."

"Unless he's looking to climb up the ladder," Ruzek said, "and become a dealer or something and he's actually our nexus. Either that or he's a dead end." He put the pen on the board with unnecessary force.

"Okay," Antonio said, "find out what you can about this Horton guy, where he lives, where he works, his associates. Ruzek, a word."

He walked into Voight's office. His office, even if temporary. He was the boss, he needed to concentrate on guiding the team to solve the case. It was not his effort only, it was the team effort and he was the head of this team. He had to find ways to increase their efficiency, each of them. To elliminate whatever stood in the way, be it a conflict or personal issues.

He should have had this conversation with Ruzek before the case even started, damn it. Lindsay had a hard time dealing with the situation, she had a special thorn in her side in the person of Adam Ruzek and Antonio knew about it. The team had to be there for her, like they had been so many times for one of them or the other. But then, they had Voight seeing where the problem was and acting accordingly.

Wrong, Antonio thought. Wrong conclusion. Voight wasn't here – he was. He had to step up and he would step up. He saw how Ruzek, instead of helping Erin – antagonized her further.

"What did I do wrong?" the kid asked now, indignant and righteous.

Ruzek didn't have to see what was going on with Erin – it was Antonio's role to make him realize that and to make him do the right thing.

"It's not about wrong or right, Adam. It's about Erin and what this whole thing with Voight and Justin is doing to her."

Adam shook his head. "Look, I don't mean any offense, but if she can't handle it, maybe she should take a time off?"

This was not the response Antonio expected. "We're stretched thin as it is, Adam."

"I know. But it's hard on all of us and if, in addition to this already tense situation, we're also supposed to walk on eggshells around Erin, because she's Voight's protégé, then… it's doing nothing to improve things, you know."

"Listen!" Antonio closed the distance between them. Enough was enough. "We're supposed to rally around each other. To help each other, be there for each other. If one of us is hurting, we forget our personal misgivings and just do all we can to help." It was obvious, actually. It should have been obvious and no, Antonio wouldn't give Ruzek the benefit of the doubt anymore. The kid didn't even want to listen. "I'm telling you now what I need from you. In order to help Erin. I want you to get out of her way, every time, everywhere. Don't argue with her. Don't even talk to her, don't even let her see you. Because when push comes to shove, if the conflict between the two of you gets out of control, I'll choose her." For a moment, during this outburst, Antonio thought he saw understanding and compliance in Ruzek's face. Adam even took a breath and nodded, like he wanted to say he agreed, he would play by those rules. But then Antonio went too far. He realized it just as the words left his mouth and Ruzek's lips set again, his eyes narrowed, like a switch was flipped.

"Okay," was all he said. So he agreed, but that was not the kind of okay, Antonio wanted from him.

"Will there be a problem with Burgess?" he added then, unnecessarily. The thought just popped into his head and he said the words.

Not even one muscle twitched in Adam's face, his self-control was commendable. "There won't be any problem," he said in an even, quiet tone. "Neither with Burgess, nor with Lindsay. I understand what you mean by standing by your team mates. You don't need to threaten me."

Antonio bowed his head. All he could do was admit to his mistake – he went too far, got carried away, let his emotions, his fears, get the better of him. But he didn't want to do that, apologize on his first day as acting sergeant. He needed to maintain authority, he needed to fill Voight's shoes – Voight never apologized, never admitted to a mistake.

The task Crowley put on Antonio's shoulders was big. Much bigger than anyone could have predicted.

* * *

t.b.c.

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading.

Do you know what feedback does to authors? It feeds them. :) So if you enjoy this little story, feed me, please. I appreciate each and every comment, short ones, long ones - they are all amazing. You are amazing.


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